i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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