Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
