god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
