I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
