Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We are all done wearing pants today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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