so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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