p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
