I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So many bounce houses so little time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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