I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
