she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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