At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have surprise drugs for everyone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
