and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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