After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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