wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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