Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
