I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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