you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
