someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
