U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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