She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
