when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I understand Curling. That high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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