Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
