I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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