Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
