I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I bet he comes in French.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
