Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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