Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
