is your mom at the bar?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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