well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
