Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
