I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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