just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize