That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pray to the hookup gods
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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