Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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