from now on my penis is your penis
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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