they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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