My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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