the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
