i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
