Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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