dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
