Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just pee around me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
