Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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