im gay
i know
yea but for you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize