I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
