my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
