Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
