You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I believe in your delicious
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
