i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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