weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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