the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
