How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
