there was a trapeze. enough said
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
