It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
