home. puking in laundry basket.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize