i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
