When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
