I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
