i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
