running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize