How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
