so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
