Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
