apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
