Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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