so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
