Whod you bang
I feel great
I just peed on a car
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize