I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
pray to the hookup gods
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
