I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
