i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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