I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
