if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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