my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
