I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
