i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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