I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
