I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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