The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
