If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
