she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
