Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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