A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
