but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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