I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
