went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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