I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
